I don't know if there has ever been such peace in anything we've done before -- in our entire lives. I'll be FORTY next week (wow -- seriously?), but all my life I feel as though I've never been truly as content or present as I should have been at any given point, especially "in process".
When I was younger, I wanted to be older.
When I was in high school, I wanted to be in college.
When I was in college, I wanted to graduate and live in the 'real world'.
When we were dating, I wanted to be married.
When we were married, I wanted to be a parent.
However, something changed with Swaziland -- it rocked our world: turned it upside down, dumped it out... and left us with a beautiful, heaping mess. It has hit me and left me sadly wondering: were we really ever in the center of God's will before now? We've always heard that once one makes a decision to move toward the mission field and take that leap, life outside of the field (until getting to the field) may feel isolated. The world will still go on with the world's ways, people won't really change because you have, some people may think you're all out crazy (oh, yes -- you're out there -- admit it!! :)) and until you're there, you'll just live with discontent and anxiety for getting there. You'll want to be there yesterday.
But wow... thankfully, we aren't feeling that. We are so completely content (like truly and authentically!), regardless of how ever long this takes, although it doesn't seem to be taking too long. We have never slept better. This Prince Family is a six-some of awesome sleepers! The doors that continue to swing wide open, the provision, it's just difficult to fathom and wrap our heads around sometimes. Looking back to January, all we needed to do was utter the word YES ("Here am I, send me!"{Isaiah 6:8}) And the minute we did, the confirmations overflowed, mountains began to move.
Bambino and I are manning the garage sale as I type -- the kiddies are away at Grandma and Grandpa Prince's, and Steph's at work. We're sitting amidst all of our 'stuff'. Most everything we're selling is ours, things collected over the years, along with some very generous donations to sell, too. As I span the tables, I can tell you where everything was purchased, where we lived (WI, OH, KS, CA, or MN!), probably how much I paid, etc. My mind works like that. I can tell you the memories attached to every little thing: the button lampshade that I made for the girls' room in the wee hours of the morning, the bundt pan that I thought I would bake something in, all of the stacks and stacks of Gymboree clothes that I stocked up on incredibly cheap in California (before we even had kiddies on the radar!), the shovel that Stephen bought for landscaping and building the patio, the glassware for the kiddies from IKEA when we transitioned to 'big kid cups', the many shelves that we hung in our house, just so I could run out and buy more stuff to display on them. So many memories, so much stuff, what a huge process.
But this process... it's just all part of the plan. We don't know the perfect timing -- that's all His to plan out, and we're so thankful for that. We'll just keep selling things, keep praying, keep doing life and little by little we are seeing His plan unfold for our lives. We just need to stay right inside His will, not ahead or behind, and He'll continue to light the way for us.
Our dear friend Nat (love you, sweet girl!) wrote a few words on her blog in May, and they have continually stuck with us:
"I am learning to trust Him, even when I cannot see. I heard the other day that on a dark mountainous excursion you would much rather the first three steps illuminated, not the far away peak. And, so I am learning how to walk in that obscurity, step by step to that glorious mountain peak."
And in this obscurity (peaceful obscurity!), until the peak, we have this:
"Because I your God have a firm grip on you and I'm not letting go. I'm telling you 'Don't panic. I'm right here to help you.'" -Isaiah 41:13 (MSG)
Wow. That's all we need. His will... His timing... His peace... His firm grip.
And, by the way... 40 is the new 20. Just thought you should know. :)
